So it all started with wanting another Dalmatian. I got my first one at 20 and had her for 13 years. We had a bond. I am not sure that it is possible to be codependent with your dog but we were. I used to say that Kenya was ACOA – adult canine of an alcoholic. She had all the signs of being raised in an alcoholic home. It was both sad and interesting. But this is not what I am writing about. Fast forward three other Dalmatians, a min pin and a mutt rescued from the pound, two babies and a step son. There was no argument that I was lonely, I was never alone. Still my son was approaching kindergarten in the fall and I just couldn't stop wanting another Dal. I fantasized about it all the time. Mind you that despite my three kids, two dogs, three cats, and a fish I was not wanting in the things that need me department. I had lots of beings that looked to me for pretty much everything yet here was this desire for more, for different. I went to the pound and found a lovely little pup named Skeeter that the kids campaigned to bring home for a week. I was moved to get the little guy but selfishly I protected my right to get a Dal. I knew that my husband's tolerance and our wallets had a limit and it was somewhere around three dogs.
Being on a spiritual path and practice, I decided to sit with this. To just be curious about my obsession. There were the obvious reasons – my children were growing to the point that they didn't need me as much anymore. Logan was starting school and Grace was in the throws of the threes and not a lot of fun to be around. Alek was only with us for brief periods and was showing signs of impending teenageitis. So there is that. Then there is that I am now 40. I got Kenya my 20th year so that seemed to make sense to me. A companion to last into my 50s. Again, not the reason. I came up with lots of things like that. Trying to reclaim my youth and a time that had passed. A chance to do it again but better now that I am in recovery.
Why did I want to complicate my life with a dog that is known for their stubbornness, high energy and lack of attention. I have three children that all fit that description, I was not lacking in that department…not even for a moment.
Then there are the dogs that I already have that I do not take on walks daily or even pay close attention to. They are an ornament in my life. I feed them and give them water and occasionally pet them. They sleep like uncomfortable lumps in my bed. I spend most days yelling at them to stop fighting with the dogs next door through the fence. So why can't I just love them like I think I am going to love this Dalmatian. Why don't I take the dogs that I have camping, hiking and with me to run errands. Part of that is answered by spending 5 minutes with Sonic, the min pin. He is so high strung that even getting close to the car causes him to hyperventilate and almost pass out. His aggression to other dogs is also a factor. As I am writing this, a cat jumped on the bed and he lunged at her. So Sonic is relegated to the home front due to antisocial behavior and my inability to deal with him. Trixie the pound puppy is much more manageable but I just don't love her or want to spend time with her. I am not sure why. I feel horrible about this but it is true. I keep her out of commitment and work on deepening my feelings for this gentle and loving animal for which I seem to only be able to conjure up the most basic affection.
The longer I sat with this the more urgent it felt to get the Dal and I also began to see why I wanted her so badly. This was how I lived my life. I didn't participate in the life that was occurring right in front of me. I was in love with the life that I didn't' have on many levels. I was happy living the life in my head with the dog that made me feel the way that I wanted to feel without the trappings of that pesky thing called reality.
Yet I kept calling breeders and rescue groups trying to find that right dog and had a couple of close calls that didn't materialize for one reason or another. So I had just turned one breeder down and was getting ready to turn down the last one when I got a phone call. It was a rescue group out of Orange County. They had a pregnant female Dal in a shelter and needed someone crazy that would foster her. I didn't hesitate! I said I am that crazy person. So today I am loading up my very present and real family and we are driving to Rancho Cucamonga to pick up the dog and her mate and bring them home and get them settled in. I haven't decided if I am keeping them or not. I am going to stop making plans as mine are always less grand and exciting than the universe has in store for me. Life is good and always unfolding right in front of me. So I am going to try to work on being present for it and to be of service along the way…with a sense of humor of course! I mean you have to have one right? How many people do you know that want a puppy and end up with an entire litter! I am sure that this experience will bring me a ton of new, interesting and painful lessons and I say bring it on!
FOOTNOTE - I wrote this two years ago. My animal count now is 4 dogs (1 dalmatian), 4 cats, 6 chickens, 5 parakeets, 3 rabbits, 3 ducks, and 1 parrot. I fostered the two Dalmatians that I picked up at the shelter (turns out she wasn't pregnant), fostered another Dalmatian and finally ended up with the Dalmatian that I have now (also a rescue). It is official, reality says that I have taken leave of my senses.
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