Saturday, October 20, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
Time is not my friend?
I haven't written on this blog since 2010 - how is it that so much time has passed and I didn't even think about it? I met a woman at a meeting yesterday that flew all the way from Boston to come to Ojai to talk about blogging. And it triggered something in me. I need to write! I need it. I don't enjoy doing it, I don't want to be a writer. I just need to do it. The same way that my body needs pounding exercise, I need to write. But like exercise and so many other things in my life, I neglect it. I become too busy or too lazy. I let meditation, exercise, writing and eating well take a backseat to the more important things that take up space in my life. Not cleaning (that is for sure) or even shopping (I don't have the time) but hundreds of little tasks that somehow eat up my time and days.
Due to a dog, I am up at 4 am. This is happening a lot lately. This would not be my choice. I am an early riser but 4 am is pushing it. However, I have a dog that has decided that I should not only be up at 4am but that I should also be up many times a night. So here I am. While I am irritated and grouchy, I am awake and have found time to meditate, stretch and now write. So I guess I should be thankful to the dog but I am not. I have another dog pawing at me now as I write but I am not thankful or grateful...just irritated. I spend a lot of my life irritated. The things that irritate me are endless. Depending on the fitness of my spiritual condition, my reactions to this irritation are mild to explosive. I do not like this about myself but it is true.
So here I sit, coffee in hand writing. I have accomplished this morning three things that I have been meaning to do for ages: meditation, stretching and writing. And if I hadn't written this morning, I would have missed the opportunity to be grateful. Life gives me so many moments to be grateful but I am usually too busy and irritated to notice. But not today. Today I am going to surrender my irritation and focus on being grateful that I am up writing. I so wish that I had the kind of mind that saw the lesson in everything and was able to conjure up an appropriately grateful mental state. However, that is just not me. I have to work at it. I have to spend all day, every day bringing myself back to the present moment where my life is happening. I miss so much of life. Time is not my friend...because I choose to see it that way. Perhaps, just maybe if I changed my thoughts I would change my life or at least my perception of it.
So today I am grateful for the little sleep and the dogs that are needier than my children. Today I will make a humble attempt to be grateful for what it is. Wish me luck!
Due to a dog, I am up at 4 am. This is happening a lot lately. This would not be my choice. I am an early riser but 4 am is pushing it. However, I have a dog that has decided that I should not only be up at 4am but that I should also be up many times a night. So here I am. While I am irritated and grouchy, I am awake and have found time to meditate, stretch and now write. So I guess I should be thankful to the dog but I am not. I have another dog pawing at me now as I write but I am not thankful or grateful...just irritated. I spend a lot of my life irritated. The things that irritate me are endless. Depending on the fitness of my spiritual condition, my reactions to this irritation are mild to explosive. I do not like this about myself but it is true.
So here I sit, coffee in hand writing. I have accomplished this morning three things that I have been meaning to do for ages: meditation, stretching and writing. And if I hadn't written this morning, I would have missed the opportunity to be grateful. Life gives me so many moments to be grateful but I am usually too busy and irritated to notice. But not today. Today I am going to surrender my irritation and focus on being grateful that I am up writing. I so wish that I had the kind of mind that saw the lesson in everything and was able to conjure up an appropriately grateful mental state. However, that is just not me. I have to work at it. I have to spend all day, every day bringing myself back to the present moment where my life is happening. I miss so much of life. Time is not my friend...because I choose to see it that way. Perhaps, just maybe if I changed my thoughts I would change my life or at least my perception of it.
So today I am grateful for the little sleep and the dogs that are needier than my children. Today I will make a humble attempt to be grateful for what it is. Wish me luck!
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